Friday, August 24, 2012

Men You Should Never Date

This article is currently "trending" on my Facebook homepage. Just from the headline ("Women You Should Never Date"), even before I clicked on it, I knew it was going to irritate me. And I was right. Though the author seems to be trying to avoid generalisations ("Firstly, not all women nag"), the article is still pretty fill of stereotyped problems that woman apparently have. 

So, I wrote an article in response. It's nearly identical to the MensXP article, with the gender flipped and a few lines added/editted/removed. I removed and edited a "category", and added a new one. What other problems in guys should we notice and avoid? Let me know what you think!


Ladies, this article is one you should take a print out of and carry in your pocket at all times simply because it will give you a very vivid picture of the kind of men you MUST NOT DATE. I am sure at some stage in your life you must have fallen for the wrong guy and then shed many-a-tear over him. In case you have been lucky and escaped such trauma, congratulations!

You must keep the distance if and when you come across men with traits as described below.

1. The Possessive/Obsessive Stalker

He gets upset the moment you look at another man and gets jealous when you talk to another man? He doesn’t like you having close guy friends and questions you incessantly about them? He likes it when you wear his favourite outfit but minds it if you don’t wear what he likes and wants you to wear? He doesn’t like you going out with your friends without him? He doesn't take no for an answer?

If the answer to the above questions is a yes then you NEED to NOT see him ever again. Some men get possessive, obsessive and dominating to the point that they suffocate you and thus stunt your growth as a human being. You cannot and should not become his shadow or a person of his liking alone. Protect your identity and guard your self-respect by giving him the boot.

2. The Attention Seeker

Many men like to get as much attention as possible from their girlfriends. But some men make a nasty habit out of it. They want to be the centre of your life and hate it when the attention shifts. They don’t like you going out with your friends without them. They don’t like you having a life that doesn’t involve them. Let’s be practical. It is wrong of your boyfriend to want to be the centre of your life for an indefinite period of time. After all, you have friends, family, work which deserve your attention as well, that you want to give attention to. As soon as you realise he is asking way too much of your time and that he is crawling into your personal space, ask him to back off. If the problem persists after repeated warnings, it is advisable for you to back off.

3. The Hero Complex
Some men love to be the hero in a girl’s life. It might work when you want him to help, but other times, it can encroach on your independence and make you feel like you can’t take care of yourself. He might pay for you more often than you are want (if ever), or buy you things though you’re not comfortable with accepting gifts. He might insist on carrying things you’re perfectly happy carrying yourself, or do you favours that you don’t want. Don’t let him take over problems you want to solve yourself, or help out unnecessarily.

4. The Material and Selfish Boy
If he’s only after your money, he’s no good. If he only wants sex and a “good time”, he’s no good (unless that’s what you want too). If he is only after emotional counseling for himself, then he is no good. He will distance himself from you when he finds another woman he is attracted to or when your pocket or emotional strength weakens. Building ties with him is futile and so is expecting a give-and-take, equal relationship.

And I’ll add a crucially important one:

5. The Sexist Boy
If he makes broad generalizations about women, stay away. If he tries to dominate you or the relationship just because he’s a man, stay away. If he expects you to do what he says and not contradict or argue, stay away. If he has expectations of you based on you being a woman, stay away. If he subscribes to and believes in stereotypes, stay away. If he expects you to prioritise his career over yours just because he’s a man, stay away.  If he ever makes you feel small or inferior because he thinks the choices you made are not in line with “what a woman should do”, kick him in the balls and then stay away.

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